my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
