I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
