He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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