dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
