If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
