whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
