PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
