i jhust puked up my retainher.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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