Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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