are you still at the devil's house?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
