i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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