There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
