some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
