i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
