When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
