i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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