I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
