So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
