well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do vagina's smell?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
