You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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