she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
