there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
