you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
