uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
