My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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