Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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