The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
