I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
