my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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