You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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