Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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