yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
