I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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