I just cut my nipple shaving
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
