Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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