you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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