She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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