Your mouth is God's brothel.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
