I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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