she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
