I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
