You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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