hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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