I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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