Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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