My hair reeks of homosexuality.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
