u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
