I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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