scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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