I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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