I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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