You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
