This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
