my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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