why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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